- Local Tokyo Donates Hi-Tech ‘BOCAL’ Radar System to Manila to Track Fugitive Senator ‘Bato’ Dela Rosa
- Local UP Freshman Sports Che Guevara Shirt in Attempt to Attract Women Who Hate Imperialism but Love Red Flags
- Culture UNESCO Rejects Philippines’ Bid to List Chocolate Hills After Discovering They Are Not, In Fact, Chocolate
- Economy Smashing All Targets, Philippines Achieves Unprecedented Human Export Yield in 2025
- Local For Christmas, Rich Christian Couple Care for Poor Street Children They Despise for the Rest of the Year
- Nation Pepito Pounds Philippines; Sixth Pounding This Month For Already Sore Country
- OpinionWe Don’t Need a Divorce Law in the Philippines
- ScienceUniversity of the Philippines Study Finds 8 Out of 10 Panay Islanders Have Aswang DNA
- NationSenators Sotto, Dela Rosa Introduce Bill to Change ‘Lupang Hinirang’ to ‘Bayang Magiliw’
- NationCatholic Church Relents, Okays Divorce When One Party is Deceased
- SportOlympian Carlos Yulo Makes Peace With Mom, Gifts Her Lifetime Supply of Cotton Buds
- TechnologyPhilippines Mandates Universal USB-C Charger to Spur Battery Electric Vehicles Adoption
- NationFilipinos Invite Jehovah’s Wrath by Persecuting Apollo Quiboloy, the Son of God
- DivinityJesus Christ Confirms Sibling Apollo Quiboloy’s Divinity, Inferiority Complex
- Asia-PacificChina Accuses Philippines of Abusing Free Showers From Chinese Ships in West Philippine Sea
- NationOxford University Finds Bongbong Marcos’ Long-Lost Diploma After £24 Million Donation From the Philippine President
- LocalEnthusiastic Supporter of Duterte’s War on Drugs Saddened by Civilian Deaths in Israel-Hamas War
- NationAnti-Poverty Czar Larry Gadon to Tondo Slum Dwellers: ‘Just Stop Being Poor’
- ScienceUST Study Determines Average Time You Spend in the Bathroom Before Your Date Starts to Think That You Took a Dump
- OffbeatFilipino Man Wins Japanese Castle in a Raffle, Promptly Makes Plans to Invade Neighboring Town
- NationSenator Aquilino ‘Koko’ Pimentel Wins P117 Million in Lotto Without Buying a Ticket
- NationPhilippines Cedes Mindanao to China for $20 Billion in Cash, NFTs and Dogecoins
- NationDrugs Win Philippines’ War on Drugs
- OFWMigrant Worker Learns the Bitter Truth: His Kumpare Had Been Riding His Honda While He Was Away
- NationIglesia Ni Cristo Partners With BIR to Implement Innovative ‘Salvation Tax’ System
- NationSenator Dela Rosa Declares Trees ‘Communist Sympathizers,’ Calls For Complete Deforestation of Mountains
- TravelFilipino Tourist Sets New World Record For Fastest Airplane-Touchdown-to-Seatbelt-Unfastening Time
- AmericasElon Musk Offers $1 Billion to the Philippines If It Changes Name to ‘Philippenis’
- OpinionOur Daughter Is Now a Young Woman. Time For Her to Be Circumcised!
- LocalModern-Day Hero Refused Burial at Libingan ng mga Bayani
- NationJustice Secretary Remulla’s Survival Tip to Leftist Groups: ‘Stop Being Annoying’
- NationCanadian PM Trudeau Thanks President Marcos for Regular Supply of High-Grade Filipinos
- BusinessJollibee CEO Tanmantiong Sues Company, Demands Paid Leave, 13th-Month Pay
- LocalUngrateful Daughter Chafes at Role As Parents’ Retirement Plan
- Asia-PacificWater Cannons Aimed at Philippine Coast Guard Ship Actually Shower Heads, China Insists
- LocalUpsilon Sigma Phi Neophyte Proud of Brods Who Remade the Philippines Into a People-Exporting Third World Economy
- Asia-PacificSouth Korea Claims Exclusive Use of ‘East Sea’, Demands Vietnam Drop Name for Its Own East Sea
- OFWIlocano Migrant Worker Feels Deep, Metaphysical Connection to Congressman Sandro Marcos