Senator Ronald Dela Rosa Declares Trees ‘Communist Sympathizers’, Calls For Complete Deforestation of Mountains
(Pasay City, Philippines) – In a priviledged speech on the Philippine Senate floor Friday, Senator Ronald ‘Bato’ dela Rosa declared that trees are ‘communist sympathizers’ that should be eradicated from the country’s mountains through legislation.
“Let’s state the obvious,” said Dela Rosa, “Since the late 1960s when the New People’s Army insurgency began in the Philippines, trees have been firmly on the rebels’ side. They are traitors. They give the insurgents shelter and hide them from government forces. I have never seen plants as leftist as trees in my whole life. The sooner we get rid of them, the sooner we get rid of the New People’s Army.”
The Maoist New People’s Army (NPA) in the Philippines has been fighting government forces in the world’s longest ongoing communist insurgency.
To deprive rebels of cover, Dela Rosa’s plan calls for the complete deforestation of Philippine mountains in several stages, starting with areas rich in mineral resources and ore deposits that can be mined, and areas of old-growth forests with massive trees that would be licensed to logging companies.
“The government doesn’t even have to provide funds to cut down these commies–our partner companies would happily do it for free,” explained Dela Rosa. “I now say to these bug-infested NPA sympathizers: Your days are numbered. The time that you have provided comfort and shelter to terrorist rebels is soon coming to an end.”
Dela Rosa’s plan also provided for an amnesty program through which trees that would willingly return to the government fold will be reeducated and provided with plots in national and provincial parks where they will be transplanted.
“Only the old, hard-core part of the tree population who spurn the amnestry program and refuse to be reeducated and transplanted from the mountains will be cut down and sold as timber,” Dela Rosa added.
Dela Rosa’s speech was immediately condemned by leftist organizations throughout the country.
Leopoldo Villegas, spokesperson for the militant Alliance of Concerned Trees (ACT), whose objective is to unite trees and other leafy flora to struggle for their democratic rights and economic welfare, declared, “This is another harebrained scheme by a well-known red-tagger to hide the government’s incompetence in inacting meaningful reforms not only for trees and the environment, but for the whole Filipino population as well.”
While Dela Rosa’s plan also proposes that zoos be built all over the country to house wildlife that are going to be displaced by the destruction of their habitat, it is unclear whether the government or the private sector will provide the funds for their construction and maintenance.