Elon Musk Offers $1 Billion to the Philippines If It Changes Name to ‘Philippenis’
(Hawthorne, California) – In a stunning development, billionaire entrepreneur Elon Musk offered 1 billion dollars to the Philippines if it would agree to change its name to ‘Philippenis’.
“I will give them a billion dollars right now and a blue verified badge on Twitter if they change their name to Philippenis,” Musk xed on Twitter. “All for the lolz!”
Musk’s offer came after his earlier posts criticizing the Southeast Asian country for stirring up trouble in the West Philippine Sea.
“Have you ever wondered why the Philippenis Coast Guard always bumps into Chinese boats out in the sea?” he earlier wrote on Twitter, deliberately mangling the country’s name. “They’re always looking for trouble, that’s why.”
“They have literally more than 7,000 islands strewn about in the Pacific Ocean, why do they want more islands in the South China Sea? Inquiring minds want to know…”
Philippine senator Risa Hontiveros, who became aware of Musk’s posts alluding to the late King Philip II’s manhood, wrote, “That is such a dick move by Elon. The Philippenis–I mean Philippines, goddammit–is not for sale!”
“Elon has become a victim of Chinese misinformation that has run unchecked on Twitter for thinking that they are the good guys in the West Philippine Sea,” Hontiveros added.
Musk has come under withering criticism in some quarters for misinformation on Twitter since he purchased the platform and instituted a number of changes.
Another Philippine senator Ronald dela Rosa, known as ‘Bato’ (The Rock) for his uncanny resemblance to actor Dwayne Johnson, replied to Hontiveros on Twitter, “Let’s take him up on it! 57 billion pesos in Confidential Funds! Think of all the commies and drug dealers that we can put away with all that dough!”
“Heck, we can change the name to Philippecker if he wants, I don’t care. We can always change it back later. Let’s even give him Pag-asa Island to boot, it’s such a pain in the ass to maintain that godforsaken island anyway.”
Musk shot back with, “One-year minimum. I mean, I’m not a fool lol.”
When informed of the matter, President Bongbong Marcos hurriedly convened his cabinet to discuss the proposal and consider the consequences of using ‘Philippenis’ for one year, if any.
At the press conference after the cabinet meeting, Press Secretary Cheloy Garafil revealed that serious considerations were given to Dela Rosa’s offer to hand over Pag-asa Island to Musk to sweeten the deal if the billionaire thinks of backing out, although no concrete decisions have been decided yet as of this report.