Justice Secretary Remulla’s Survival Tip to Leftist Groups: ‘Stop Being Annoying’
(Manila, Philippines) – During his weekly press conference Monday, Justice Secretary Jesus Crispin Remulla addressed the recent spate of killings of suspected leftist symphatizers and activists by offering this unsolicited advice: ‘Stop being annoying.’
“All these homicide cases concerning the leftist segment of the population that certain groups of people complain over and over again are easily preventable,” explained Remulla. “You don’t want to get shot at? Stop grandstanding. Stop being annoying.”
“Remember that community pantry started by some leftist activist in Maginhawa during the pandemic that spread all over the place? That’s a classic case of grandstanding, and a communist tactic to turn the people against the government. It’s like brazenly shouting to anyone who would listen that the government is not doing anything to help people, which is wrong. And really annoying.”
“So if I am a law-abiding citizen and I happen to walk by and see this annoying act of subversion against the government, and suppose I am armed, I might get trigger-happy and next thing you know, someone is lying on a pool of blood. Now, I don’t condone vigilantism and I strongly urge law-abiding citizens to keep their heads cool, but you really can’t blame these people when emotions get the better of them when they see these annoying things being done by socialists.”
“So it was a good thing that those community pantries were shut down really fast. Otherwise there would have been bloodbath. And then they would have blamed it on the government, which had nothing to with it.”
Among the vaguely subversive acts that Remulla considers ‘annoying’ that leftist groups and individuals continue to do but should do well to stop are:
- Helping the poor
- Teaching indigenous peoples ABC
- Giving legal services for free
- Telling people their rights
- Talking to farmers
- Wearing red
- Demanding human rights
- Setting up community pantries
- Using your left hand
- Hiking into the countryside
- Holding up placards
- Hugging trees
- Looking like a peasant
- Organizing anything without a money-making purpose
“This list is not by any means exhaustive, and there may be other annoying things that I have missed,” continued Remulla. “But these would eliminate 99 percent of the reasons why any armed vigilante would want to gun you down.”
“If in doubt, just remember this: don’t be annoying. Better yet, don’t be a leftie.”