Oxford University Finds Bongbong Marcos’ Long-Lost Diploma After £24 Million Donation From the Philippine President
(Oxford, England) – Oxford University registrar Gillian Aitken confirmed Thursday that after lying in the university’s vault for forty years, President Bongbong Marcos’ long-lost diploma has finally been found, one week after the Philippine government donated £24 million to the university.
Photo: Oxford University’s Trinity College, where Marcos’ diploma was found
The diploma’s discovery finally confirms that President Marcos had indeed completed his BA in Philosophy, Politics and Bagpiping from Oxford University, as he has always maintained throughout the years that he has been in politics.
According to Aitken’s press conference, Oxford University allocated £2 million from President Marcos’ donation to mobilize dozens of workers to search through its vaults and storage rooms in an all-out effort to locate the missing document.
“After a university-wide search that took more than 8,000 man-hours, we have finally located President Marcos’ missing diploma, along with other priceless manuscripts, in the underground vault of Trinity College,” said Aitken.
“We are delighted to announce that the diploma has been so well-preserved it looks like it was printed just yesterday.”
Other long-lost documents discovered in Trinity College’s vault together with President Marcos’ diploma include: a typewritten manuscript of Romeo and Juliet Get Married, sequel to the original, typed by Shakespeare himself; Cupernicus’ handwritten, incomplete draft of Black Holes and Baby Universes; and Magellan’s Zen and the Art of Ship Maintenance, completed in the Malaccas in 1521 after the famed sailor’s miraculous escape from the Battle of Mactan in the Philippines.
“On behalf of Oxford University, I would like to extend my deepest apologies to President Marcos for misplacing his BA diploma all these years,” continued Aitken, “and also to simultaneously express our gratitude for his government’s unexpectedly generous donation.”
Aitken later confirmed that the remaining £22 million from President Marcos’ donation will be used to fund Oxford University’s planned Ferdinand Marcos School of Good Governance to promote government ethics and transparency in developing countries.