Jesus Christ Confirms Sibling Apollo Quiboloy’s Divinity, Inferiority Complex

(Vatican City) – Jesus Christ released a statement through the Vatican Wednesday confirming that the Filipino church leader, FBI fugitive, and self-professed “Appointed Son of God” Apollo Quiboloy is in fact his younger sibling, appointed by their father Jehovah to save humanity from wokeness.

“Verily I say onto you, do not persecute Apollo,” Jesus Christ’s statement read, “for he is my own flesh.”

Apollo Quiboloy, the Savior’s statement said, is actually Apollo Justus (Apollo the Righteous) and was born of divine parents in 2 BCE in the small village of Nazareth in Galilee, not of Kapampangan parents in 1950 in Davao City, as his Wikipedia page says.

Photo: Apollo Justus, aka Apollo Quiboloy, bears a striking resemblance to older brother Jesus Christ

Four years younger than his more famous sibling, Apollo developed a severe inferiority complex as a young man and deeply resented his older brother especially after Jesus Christ died for the sins of mankind, rose up from the dead after three days and later became a celebrity, worshipped by members of the religion that now bears his name.

As centuries went by, Apollo became increasingly estranged from his family and spent most of his time holed up in his room in Heaven reading hentai manga and playing video games all day, only coming out to cavort with questionable celestial beings.

After exhausting his infinite patience, Jehovah finally banished Apollo to Earth and commanded that he redeem himself by saving mankind from wokeness, just as Jesus Christ once saved mankind from their wicked ways.

As for Apollo Quiboloy’s tormentors in the Philippine government and the FBI, Jesus Christ’s statement declared, “If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at him.”

Jesus Christ, however, belied Quiboloy’s other epithet of “Owner of the Universe.”

“That title surely belongs to my father Jehovah, God the Almighty, not Apollo,” Christ’s statement read, “and my brother only uses it at times to impress the extremely gullible, puny mortals.”

©Kidlat News CC BY-SA 4.0. Apollo Quiboloy photo and Jesus Christ painting from Wikimedia (Public Domain).