Filipinos Invite Jehovah’s Wrath by Persecuting Apollo Quiboloy, the Son of God

(Manila) – As if crushing poverty, rampant crime, environmental disasters and Senator Robin Padilla are not enough, Filipinos risk further divine punishment coming their way by needlessly persecuting the Son of Jehovah, popularly known as Apollo Quiboloy.

Quiboloy has been arrested in Davao City by agents of the Philippine National Police Monday and is set to be arraigned on a number of charges which his disciples denounced as trumped-up accusations, such as subverting state power and tax evasion, the most serious of which–blasphemy by claiming to be the “Owner of the Universe”–carries a penalty of death by crucifixion.

Philippine presidential spokesperson Martin Andanar announced the charges in Malacañang Palace in Manila, capital of this godforsaken country.

Quiboloy is also wanted by the FBI for sex trafficking, fraud, money laundering and indecent exposure, and he may yet be rearrested and extradited to the US after his crucifixion and expected resurrection after three days, just before he makes his escape by ascending to heaven.

The troubled younger brother of megachurch founder Jesus Christ has been living among the wretched in the Philippines since the 1950s, sent to this hellhole by Jehovah to save the Filipinos from their sinful ways and corruption.

Image: Apollo Quiboloy FBI Most Wanted poster

His earthly mission has been cut short, however, when he was recently betrayed to the US, the Great Satan, by President Bongbong Marcos for 30,000 pieces of silver.

If convicted and given the death penalty, the second Son of God will be stripped and flogged, forced to carry his cross through the filthy streets of Manila, and crucified in front of Quiapo Church together with Senator Ramon Revilla Jr and ex-president Rodrigo Duterte.

Quiboloy will then be rearrested after coming back from the dead and flown to the US to face further charges. It is not clear at this point whether he will face the same death by crucifixion in the US, nor whether he can resurrect a second time.