Upsilon Sigma Phi Neophyte Proud of Brods Who Remade the Philippines Into a People-Exporting Third World Economy

(Quezon City, Philippines) – Bernard del Mundo, sophomore at the University of the Philippines in Diliman, takes great pride in being accepted into this fraternity whose illustrious fellows helped transform the Philippines into a thriving, people-exporting Third World powerhouse.

Del Mundo has just been inducted into the exclusive Upsilon Sigma Phi (motto: “We gather light to sputter”), the oldest of fraternities in Asia whose names are written in a language their members don’t understand. The fraternity is based in the University of the Philippines, where many of the nation’s future leaders and decision-makers study the multifarious ways to ship their fellow Filipinos abroad.

“It’s humbling to look up to these great men who came before me who have been architects of this nation’s great journey from its humble agrarian roots to a major people-exporting tiger economy,” enthused Del Mundo, gently massaging his sore buttocks.

“Imagine, we used to just export bananas and pineapples. Now we export everybody from nannies, nurses, caregivers and domestic helpers, to IT engineers, English teachers, entertainers and sex workers. Heck, I heard we even export farmers now.”

Just five years ago, the prestigious Upsilon Sigma Phi marked its 100th anniversary of foundation, celebrating a century of tradition, excellence, and the unwavering commitment to export their less fortunate countrymen to the far-flung corners of the globe.

Upsilon Sigma Phi’s alumni are a veritable who’s who of Philippine politics and industry. They include twelve house representatives, eleven ambassadors, ten senators, nine provincial governors, eight Jollibee franchisees, seven real estate magnates, six supreme court justices, five university chancellors, four calling birds, three French hens, two presidents and a Catholic patriarch in a pear tree.

Perhaps the fraternity’s most famous alumnus is former strongman Ferdinand Marcos, descendant of explorer Ferdinand Magellan and a bemedalled war hero who laid the foundations of a people-export-driven economy that catapulted the country into the coveted club of 40 Asian Tigers in the late seventies.

Del Mundo says his father–also an Upsilonian–recalls that the Marcos presidency was a time of great prosperity. The Philippines had so much cash from remittances from abroad that it invested most of it in 10,000 pairs of Hermes shoes–under the First Lady Imelda Marcos’ judicious guidance–which it cashed out with great profit in the 1980’s.

Del Mundo thinks the Philippines is on target to export 90 percent of its population by 2050, becoming an economic superpower in the process, and believes it is his–and his fraternity’s–patriotic duty to make it a reality.